I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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