they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
