I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
