Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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