dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
