I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You ruined the universe
Randomize