he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
