you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
