I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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