ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize