dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
