I faked an abortion last night.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
