Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
