Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it because I queefed?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
