it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sext me about skeletons
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
