Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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