My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
