I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
