he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize