I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
