Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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