He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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