I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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