His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
