my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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