yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
