Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
