Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
