So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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