id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
