The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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