Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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