It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
