nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
