You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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