I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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