Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
