It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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