For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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