You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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