Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
