how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
