Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
