I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
