Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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