why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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