i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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