Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
