i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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