all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
