Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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