Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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