New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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