Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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