why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
