he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize