Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
