Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
