I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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