Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
