carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
