So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
