Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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