God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
