I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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