he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
