Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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