okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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