I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
